paper promises and alibis

08 December 2009 @ 01:32 am

we can always find something good in the bad, it all just boils down to how we see things. maybe we as humans worry too much about what is and what will be hence neglecting the present.

and no matter how hopeless and weary one gets, there is always a flame deep down that doesn't die out.

Current Music: Jack's Mannequin - Dark Blue

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06 December 2009 @ 11:01 pm

(no subject)

you are red, fire red.

i'm ten foot down under and nowhere near. time to study.

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05 December 2009 @ 11:34 pm

nothing will be alright

And it's time I give up hoping.

I don't see the purpose of me being in this world. I know I should cherish life, but what if I'd rather do without it? There are times I wish I was never born, maybe my family would be happier without me. I feel so invisible at times you know? But since I'm already in this world, I guess there is nothing much I can do about it. I just want to fade into nothing and since I'm already so invisible, I guess it'd be easy for me to do so.

Today, I feel undeserving of everything. Undeserving of life, family, friends and love.

p.s: This is not suicidal. Just hopeless.

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05 December 2009 @ 07:43 pm

(no subject)

HAPPY 17th BIRTHDAY PL!

glad you liked the surprise even though it was a bit phail cause you walked in on us half way. luv u c: c: c: and upload photos soon k HAHA.

photos from kahang:

come to think of it now, the day and night sky at kahang was awesome

my eyes which are forever red 80% of the time since batam

leeches from forest walk and karishma's bloody feet. pt

macam sole survivors of forest walk

mt gunong aru which we conquered \m/

happy at the summit :)

Current Mood:

cheerful

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05 December 2009 @ 02:03 am

touch down

Kahang was hell but I guess I had fun albeit the horrible weather which dampens the mood and what not. Our tent was the sole survivor out of all the girls' which collapsed one by one, mostly during the storm on the first day. Proud of us :)

Like I said before, back to sg, back to all our worries. Tomorrow will be a better day.

Current Music: The Red Jumpsuit Apparatus - Face Down (Acoustic)

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01 December 2009 @ 02:51 am

(no subject)

YUMMMS
(i can't help but associate guys on tumblr//lb.nu with 'yum'.)

it's nearly 3am now, i have no idea how i will survive day 1 of the camp. nawh, actually i think i can cause i just scanned thru the programme list and it's just setting up of tents + ice breakers. still, i need to stop packing my bags so late.

GONNA GO HAVE A HELL LOAD OF FUNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN so goodbye folks!

Current Mood:

chipper

Current Music: Black Eyed Peas - I Gotta Feeling

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30 November 2009 @ 09:07 pm

why not

kahang tomorrow and i have yet to pack. and i forgot everything i wanted to say. oh well.

BE MORE BE MORE BE MORE BE MORE BE MORE BE MORE BE MORE BE MORE.

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29 November 2009 @ 09:50 pm

megatron

my heart says yes, my mind says no. but i just really need you to need me.

“You've made the air flammable. These walls are just paper. And blood is gasoline. You shouldn't have come here, made of fireworks, if you didn't want me to play with fire. I need a light.

League of Ultimate Villians today. i think i'm freaking shy and quiet when i'm alone around strangers. mer please come back, i can't do this alone :c :c :c but i like the fact that i'm learning a lot of techiniques and what not for frisbee! but but but i am seriously damn noob in the team. it makes me sad sigh. well, at least i scored a goal today huh?

walked home from outram and i guess it felt good. walking off all the unhappy thoughts and worries. training tomorrow! can't wait to row ^^

Current Mood:

content

Current Music: Waking Ashland - Red Cars

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28 November 2009 @ 11:59 pm

judim

Happy 17th Serena!

birthday surprise plans for serena sort of failed but it's ok, bet she loved the cupcakes and 'brownie' ;) pictures up here as soon as serena uploads the photos from today. went town to get extensions + manicure (L)

anyway i'm uploading the photos from batam ocip now and amni went crazy over Judim on day 3 and took like 20 odd shots of him. BUT HE IS MAD CUTE!!! so i don't really mind either ^^

my favourite photo of him :)

Luffiah & Judim (L)

Luffiah ^^

oh yeah, i am going down to sengkang tmr for winter league without mer :c i can't do this alone la wlllllllllllllllllllllll

Current Mood:

chipper

Current Music: High School Musical - What I've Been Looking For

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27 November 2009 @ 10:05 pm

i need a light.

forgive my silence.

baking session over @ my house with nerissa earlier today. baking cupcakes are fun, especially making coloured icing yummmmmms.

i just remembered i'd be leaving for kahang next tuesday. and i'm still waiting for the batam photos to be up but here's a picture of Judim from rachel's lj. his eyes reminds me of the stars, so cute.

Current Mood:

content

Current Music: Five For Fighting - Slices

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26 November 2009 @ 09:35 pm

BACK

(it's been so long and i can't remember how it feels to glow)

back from batam. it was nice to be away from technology and all our worries, taking a step back and appreciate the beauty of life and the simplest things around us. the trip truly amplified how unfair life is. but it is inevitable, so we can only do our best to make things slightly better for them.

pity there wasn't time for more interaction with the kids but Judim and Lufiah (?) both made a deep impression. they make me want to do more; if only we could do more than just improving the environment visually and providing them with decent furnitures. but only one can truly save oneself isn't it?

anyway, we took a lot of photos. shall bug chadni and rachel to upload them soon ^^ friggin camwhores all. can camwhore while @ work somemore. and i honestly felt closer to the class but i guess forever doesn't last.

p.s: i am suddenly not so keen on going for winter league anymore. why.

Current Mood:

blank

Current Music: Five For Fighting - Tuesday

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22 November 2009 @ 08:25 pm

Gone

going away for 4 days. it's nice to know that our efforts will make life better for others. the future is still a mystery, i only want to make the best of it now. l4d + waffletown with clar bb today was nice. after ocip and kahang eco camp, it's trainings, studies, runs and frisbee.

/edit
and i hate to feel this surge of disappointment. gotta suck it up i guess cause life. goes. on.

i look at you with bloodshot eyes, asking why you'd just let me die

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21 November 2009 @ 02:32 pm

kamarád

“It’s hard to think about growing up when you’re right in the middle of doing it. It’s hard to know what you want. Sometimes there are so many voices in your head it’s difficult to know which of them is yours.

//
Sometimes, I feel as if I'm not good enough a friend. Because if I were to know some truths that would hurt, I would keep them to myself instead. Then again, aren't I doing some sort of harm to her/him as well by letting them fall deeper, getting more involved in whatever situation it may be if I deprive the person of the truth? Am I not selfish to hope that time will wash away the intensity of emotion, hence, banking on telling them much later? Am I being 'friend' enough to him/her then?

I don't know.

However, I believe that some truths hurt but make us a stronger person and well, some, should never be told.

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20 November 2009 @ 10:41 pm

(no subject)

hi, i had menstrual cramps half way thru today's run and collapsed on the pavement by the highway due to the immense pain. and this man stopped his car at the bus stop further up ahead, walked towards where i was and offered me a bottle of water. it's nice to know that there are still nice strangers in sg. GMH!!!!!!!
disgressing, i'm happy my period came today though. cause that means it won't come during the kahang eco camp! ^^

kap after training with the girls. then went to ngeeann poly to lepak before heading home. met up a few hours later again with pl cam and rachel for l4d. we reach stage freaking 5. we are awesome.

Current Mood:

cheerful

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20 November 2009 @ 02:40 am

(no subject)

and i need you so much closer.

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20 November 2009 @ 02:38 am

vacancy signs

really?

it's late, i just want to sleep and forget everything that i know. there's too much going on around me till i forgot all about the batam ocip trip this coming monday. however, i'm thankful for the short getaway from this side of reality, i need it so bad.

i hate the way i think about you. how every word i speak seems to amplify my endless thoughts of you. i feel as if i'm losing myself and you're taking over. the scary thing? i hardly even know you. everyone says i'm a freaking fool but somehow i've gone deaf to those words and i don't care either.

please don't let the things be the way it seems to be, please.

Current Mood:

sad

Current Music: Death Cub For Cutie - I Will Follow You Into The Dark

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18 November 2009 @ 11:12 pm

one better

gave girls' class outing today a miss cause i intended to study but wasted half the day away instead. ended up meeting bored rachel to walk around town and have dinner.

i have nothing significant to say actually, just feel obliged to update this space. i guess it's some kind of habit for me now. except that i was thinking about the consequences of our actions on my way home -the price we have to pay. i guess this is the most severe and biggest price i have to pay yet in my entire life. but i guess it'd do me good. make me strive to do better. i will do better. like how i said i will pass maths and i did, like i freaking doubled my score from mid years. ok i can do this.

stc last dinner prom tomorrow night. hmmmm kinda excited

p.s: and i missed the meteor shower last night cause i fell asleep :'c

Current Mood:

bored

Current Music: Dashboard Confessional - Hands Down

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17 November 2009 @ 08:47 pm

(no subject)

shooting stars tonight. should i stay up to, hopefully, catch a glimpse of it? don't even think i can cause i'm at the south :c

i am not used to seeing a red/soon-to-be-tanned me but i guess i will have to get used to it. training was annoying today cause i felt really dizzy after the run and i guess it screws up your rowing. back to school for frisbee with some of the guys but turns out nobody was playing today.

my throws are getting lousier by day but i haven't played properly for quite some time so oh well. hmmmm i think i should practice more before winter league actually starts. WHERE ARE YOU MER

Current Mood:

bored

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16 November 2009 @ 08:07 pm

(no subject)

i am damn weak now. i do pushups as if i'm only twitching my elbows. but at least my strokes are getting better yay! sunburnt cheeks, not fun. and i hate it when jiaolian push us into the water when we are dry omg hahaha.

went queensway with cam after training to meet nat and huiting to study but the macs there not conducive. i have flu now, this is bad. anyway, L4D or frisbee tomorrow? hmmmm

Current Music: The Fray - Heaven Forbid

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15 November 2009 @ 11:04 pm

happy!

met the guys for frisbee clinic @ brewerkz field in the afternoon. after which, we all met up with terterwong, ced and cheepeng at taka for dinner then went to the cine chamber whereby more random cj dudes crashed and we watched Unborn which was friggin retarded but kinda scary hahaha. mer was pertrified without azriel HAHAHA i kid.

anyway, it was a good day. goodbye to fastfood and hello to healthy meals, trainings and studying. and i am alright guys, don't need to be so sensitive about the topic on retaining! haha but really thanks for being considerate :) but i'm fine ahah can joke with me about it if you want k! :)

Current Mood:

happy

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